I like the framing of this shot..it makes more sense to start with the kite
This shot still feels a little awkward. I like the low view showing off the height of the building. Not so sure about the tiny framing of your character flying the kite…I think a tighter view would help make the action more readable.
This next sequence is pretty good, but in your 3d animatic had a moving camera and a continuous move left with the character. It seems like you could do a bit with the push pull aspect of flying a kite. Previously, your character was in one pose moving backwards…having him lean in to then pull back and lose balance would help give a sense of anticipation and set up for the large action of falling off the building.
I don’t think the crane shot downwards is helping…it actually flattens out the drama of falling downwards. Doing the opposite..looking upwards to then see him looking down would be more dramatic. In any case, I’m not sure a jump cut to looking down is doing you any favors here
not sure if this is necessary…the next shot communicates the panic of falling well, and the succeeding shot shows the action of falling quite well.
Maybe look upwards with the camera…
This is a less important shot, and it seems the path of the kite string would be going upwards as the kite is hovering.